Sunday, March 24, 2013

Naming Storms

It has come to my attention that the National Weather Service has started naming all storms.

Ah, the good old days when only Hurricanes and Cyclones got named... now every storm has a name.  I presume they've done this out of "fairness".  Other storms complained because naming wasn't inclusive, and try as they might, just because they couldn't form a big storm circle on either side of the earth, they could NOT get a name... they probably sued or had their storm labor union strike or something.

It could also be a marketing ploy for Meteorologists (who have not been very good at predicting when giant rocks hurtle from space and nearly take out a Russian city, or what the weather will be the next day) to get on the air more because they now have a storm with a name, so they can create all sorts of cool graphics and storm theme music and look all concerned and worried while they're in a nice cushy studio... sending the lower ranking minions to brave the impending named storm.

Now everything gets named... literally EVERYTHING.

It use to be (and excuse me while I hitch up my old people's ranting pants) that the earth had seasons.

In the summer it was hot
In the winter it was cold
In the spring there was a lot of rain
In the fall there were annoying leaves

It happened every year.  Sometimes we'd have a LOT of snow.  Sometimes we didn't.  Sometimes we had a LOT of rain, sometimes we didn't.  Sometimes it would be very cold, or very hot depending on the thing we use to call "Seasons".

When I was a kid we had a blizzard.  This was different than the other feet of snow we had every winter because it was literally lots of feet of snow... all at once.... in a big heap.

We called it: The Blizzard of 78.  Catchy.  It was a blizzard, and it happened in 1978... we didn't name it Charlie or something. 

When people say "Hey, where were you during the Blizzard of 78" people know what you're talking about.

When you say: "Where were you during Charlie?"  What?  Are you on drugs or something?  Who freakin knows what you're talking about.  Charlie the Hurricane?  What year was that?  Who freakin knows!

So, the whole naming thing is incredibly stupid enough, but now they name EVERYTHING!  Minor squall in the Midwest... gets a name.  Rain shower in eastern Kansas... gets a name.  As a matter of fact, there have been so many named storms this winter, that one today (March 24th... 4 days after spring... tar and feather the groundhog) that a "blizzard" that isn't really a blizzard is being named "Virgil".  There have been so many stupid named storms this winter that they are on "V"... I predict next year they'll have to start the alphabet over because they just can't help themselves but hype something they know nothing about, have no idea what will happen, and then express some disappointment when it turns into nothing and people don't die.

Freakin vultures.

Next we'll be required to name our bowel movements.

1 comment:

Cyber-sibes said...

Its all the fault of last year's Snowmageddon. for which, btw, the term originated in Canada in 2009... hence, the American meterologists are just hoping onto an already-old bandwagon.

just sayin'...