Sunday, July 08, 2012

Higgs Boson... Who Freakin Cares

I just read the most self-serving article from a scientist that has her panties in a wad because we're all not out dancing in the streets, getting drunk and puking in a stranger's car and celebrating the discovery of something nobody can see.

Apparently scientists have indeed discovered the "Higgs Boson", also known as the "God Particle"... right, sure.

In her own words, sorta... if they hadn't found it, then years of scientific work, 50 years of "hard work" and $10 BILLION dollars building the Large Hadron Collider would have been wasted.

Well, isn't that convenient... you found it, can't show it to anyone, we just have to take your word for it, right?

Like we took your word for it in the 70's that we're heading for an ice age.

90's it's Global Warming (or climate chaos)

Dinosaurs are cold blooded... oh wait, now they're saying warm blooded

Some dinosaurs had horns... oh wait, that's a toe, never mind

Bacon is good for you, bad for you, good for you, bad for you, good for you, ... shut up.

Back to the TEN BILLION spent on that collider.  You make it sound like you mowed yards to generate all of that money, then built it yourself.  You didn't.  We all ponied up that money.  We didn't want to.  We'd rather not waste money on smashing atoms together and for all we knew you would botch it, create a huge black hole and destroy the earth... at least you didn't do that, but still, I don't think I could find ONE person that wanted their tax dollars going on that piece of crap.  I think they would much rather, oh... eat, than allow scientists to waste all that money to find something you can't even see, and take your word for it that it's the ULTIMATE discovery of all discoveries and shows us (if we could actually see it) where "we came from".

Of course, the author of this article thinks that the reason we aren't all exciting and whooping with joy is because they didn't explain it all very well... you know... to us stupid people.  They have pop up books and suggests hiring a PR person (um... not on my taxpayer money), and maybe even a video game... because we're just that stupid!

Will Higgs Boson make my car run for free?  Will it feed hungry people?  Stop wars?  Allow us to transport from place to place like on tv?  Can I sit on my butt and watch tv and play video games and still have money to eat tasty foods?

No?  Then shut up and figure out a way to do all of those things first.

Dear scientists:  Nobody cares but you, now stop spending our money on your stupid experiments.  By the way, now that you "found" it, what are you going to do with that big piece of crap collider?  Can we at least turn it into a skateboard park or something useful?  OOOH a demolition derby where we crash cars into each other at supersonic only faster speeds! 

Sunday, July 01, 2012

A Sign Of Things To Come?

So, Lobsterman and I have been invited over to This Olde Foreclosed House for a 4th of July cookout.  Please note, the nice couple that moved there are really nice, and the house actually looks like a house.

I'll be making my world famous potato salad (from the Hellmann's recipe), and Lobsterman will be making the grilled vidalia onion with butter and beef bouillon nom nom things.

This meant going to the store.

We had the monster storm of 2012 that knocked out power to over 3 million people in three states or more.

We have power, only lost it for about 5 seconds during the storm... others are still waiting.  Yes, there is a small amount of guilt involved, but hey... it's not like I'm going to shut off my power to be one with those without power.

Did I mention that it's about 2000 degrees out?

My first observation upon going outside is "why did I even bother taking a shower?"  Seriously, I was marinating before I got the front door locked and sprinted to the truck.

We drove to the store, which is located across the street from a mega mall and casino... traffic was crazy insane.

We wanted to get a little something to eat before we went to the store, and had opted for a wedge salad at TGI Fridays, but as we drove by, we saw people going into and out of the new Joe's Crabs... we made a U-turn and parked, walked in... only to find that they weren't open, they were only training.

Seriously?  No big sign that says "OPENING ON 3 JULY", you had to walk inside only to be denied tasty steamed crab by the bucketful.  BASTARDS!!!!

We didn't bother to tell other hopeful people walking up the sidewalk that their dreams of butter dunked crab would be dashed at the door... screw you, walk through the heat and find out like we did.

We dodged through mall traffic and decided to just get something light at Starbucks, then get the cookout ingredients, which we did.

Then the store... OH.... MY.... GAWD!!!!

It was packed with frantic people as if they had just been told a blizzard may or may not hit within the next 3-6 months.  Shelves were bare, people were rude and had that panicked glazed look of self preservation.

Unlike snow storms (milk, bread, and toilet paper), heat waves and power outages create a need for bagels, milk, cases of soda.  There were no bagels to be seen.  Completely empty, I can only imagine

Luckily for us there were plenty of potato salad and grilled onion recipe things, so we grabbed and ran for the checkout... which was crammed full down lanes.  We went to self checkout, which wasn't that bad... but I kept thinking...

I can see people coming to the store to replace items that may have gone bad had they lost power, but as they are still fixing power, there's really no guarantee you won't lose power again while they fix things.  Frankly we expect to lose power at some point during all of the work, it's a ticking time bomb on power.

I can see people having not shopped for 4th of July fixings trying to get it now... except it's just ONE day of cooking out... and why bagels and not hot dog buns?

Were people just full tilt bozo nuts and thinking that they had to go stock up on items that easily spoil in case another storm knocked the rest of the state out of commission?  Were people coming to the store from miles away because there was nothing open where they lived?  Do people really only keep a few day's worth of food in their house?

Are we, as National Geographic calls it: "American Outliers" for having more than a week's worth of food in our house, and the ability to survive on what we had for much longer than that without resorting to a panicked run to the supermarket for bagels, soda, and milk?  

I've heard others tell of angry lines at gas stations, getting "free" ice, and other grocery stores, and wonder... this is a weekend and some people are nearly insane with panic over gas and soda... heaven help us all if something really catastrophic happened.

By the way, if any nice business out in the Midwest and West is looking for two hard working outliers... let me know... soon... seriously.