Sunday, July 08, 2012

Higgs Boson... Who Freakin Cares

I just read the most self-serving article from a scientist that has her panties in a wad because we're all not out dancing in the streets, getting drunk and puking in a stranger's car and celebrating the discovery of something nobody can see.

Apparently scientists have indeed discovered the "Higgs Boson", also known as the "God Particle"... right, sure.

In her own words, sorta... if they hadn't found it, then years of scientific work, 50 years of "hard work" and $10 BILLION dollars building the Large Hadron Collider would have been wasted.

Well, isn't that convenient... you found it, can't show it to anyone, we just have to take your word for it, right?

Like we took your word for it in the 70's that we're heading for an ice age.

90's it's Global Warming (or climate chaos)

Dinosaurs are cold blooded... oh wait, now they're saying warm blooded

Some dinosaurs had horns... oh wait, that's a toe, never mind

Bacon is good for you, bad for you, good for you, bad for you, good for you, ... shut up.

Back to the TEN BILLION spent on that collider.  You make it sound like you mowed yards to generate all of that money, then built it yourself.  You didn't.  We all ponied up that money.  We didn't want to.  We'd rather not waste money on smashing atoms together and for all we knew you would botch it, create a huge black hole and destroy the earth... at least you didn't do that, but still, I don't think I could find ONE person that wanted their tax dollars going on that piece of crap.  I think they would much rather, oh... eat, than allow scientists to waste all that money to find something you can't even see, and take your word for it that it's the ULTIMATE discovery of all discoveries and shows us (if we could actually see it) where "we came from".

Of course, the author of this article thinks that the reason we aren't all exciting and whooping with joy is because they didn't explain it all very well... you know... to us stupid people.  They have pop up books and suggests hiring a PR person (um... not on my taxpayer money), and maybe even a video game... because we're just that stupid!

Will Higgs Boson make my car run for free?  Will it feed hungry people?  Stop wars?  Allow us to transport from place to place like on tv?  Can I sit on my butt and watch tv and play video games and still have money to eat tasty foods?

No?  Then shut up and figure out a way to do all of those things first.

Dear scientists:  Nobody cares but you, now stop spending our money on your stupid experiments.  By the way, now that you "found" it, what are you going to do with that big piece of crap collider?  Can we at least turn it into a skateboard park or something useful?  OOOH a demolition derby where we crash cars into each other at supersonic only faster speeds! 


Painter Pack said...

As always...well said.

Huffle Mawson said...

Now if they'd discovered the secret to making real bacon without killing any pigs... I'd fund that sort of research.