Friday, September 23, 2011

Febreze Set and Refresh - My Opinion

As you all probably know already, dog ownership comes with its rewards in the form of smells.

Back when old guy-guy Nova was dealing with his "ass mass" and terminal, not only did he have "accidents" in the house, but we also dealt with catastrophic things like the Poo Tsunami

Then there's Sam (the Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee pup) who dribbles ever since his spine injury and surgery.  This causes Loki (the Mutatoe... pronounced Mootahtoe) who hoards and guards water (we call him Gunga Din) to have pissing contests with Sam.  Of course Meeshka is perfect, except when she insists on staying out in the rain to dig for grubs, which brings the aroma of wet dog and mud into the mix.

As we aren't the type to open all the windows to air out the house, we're pretty much left with a mixture of dog aromatherapy that most people would find... disgusting, and frankly it even gets a bit much for us.

I've tried all sorts of air fresheners.  I don't like plugging stuff into a wall.  Just something about heating up alcohol based liquids when we aren't home, not to mention that most of our plugs are located near the floor, where curious huskies can do unwanted things to these electrified bomblets (like eating them), I refuse to have them in the house.

Then there's those gelatinous tube things you can place on a shelf or cabinet, but they are pretty close to being those things you hang in a car... OVERWHELMING.  Not only are they overwhelming, but they make your house smell like an old people's home, last for approximately 3 seconds and set off our allergies.  I get migraines from overpowering perfumes, and most of the "flavors" the solid air fresheners give off are ice pick in the eye inducing, or only make the dog-smell worse as it mingles with the potpourri of canine.

So, while Lobsterman was out gallivanting around the country on vacation, I was laying in bed and saw this commercial:




Its for the Febreze Set and Refresh air freshener.  I've used Febreze before (and NO it isn't toxic to pets, it won't kill them if they lick it and neither is that swiffer stuff), but all they had was the spray stuff (I would have to spray my entire house, and frankly I get hand cramps spraying it all over the house), or they had the plug in stuff... NO.

This appeared to be something you could just put somewhere and it would do its thing... and from the commercial with "real people" (I'm always dubious about the real people in real people commercials) who were oblivious that they were sitting in a crack den and smelled linen sheets.

So while I was at Lowes I checked, and sure enough they had them.  I can't even remember what flavor I got (spring rain or something) so I bought two.  As I was checking out the cashier guy was all like "OMYGAH THESE THINGS ARE FABULOUS WONDERFUL AMAZING!"  I kinda figured they made him say that, especially coming from a guy literally glowing about air freshener. 

I took them home and put one in the living room, the other in our bedroom and forgot about them until I came home from running more errands and I noticed something... the house smelled GREAT!

Now it wasn't as if I was magically transformed to a beach where I was wearing linen and had an orange peel in my hair, but it certainly wasn't that wet dog ick smell!

The big test really came when Lobsterman finally came home from his wanderings.  I didn't mention the air freshener at all and he didn't say anything for a long time while we unpacked him and he got the usual rambunctious welcome home from the dogs, but as we went to bed he said these words:  "The house smells good".

Febreze, you have a winner here and a loyal customer that will be hoarding the little inserts and buying more of the stands because you've finally found the PERFECT air freshener for this house!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Dear Facebook: I'm on to your plot

This morning Facebook did it again!  They've changed EVERYTHING around and have taken away the ability to just see recent posts, versus "Top Stories".  I never got that whole "Top Stories" thing.  Who decides what is a "Top Story" versus another post?  I hate that setting, so I always had it on "Most Recent"... until today.

Today I'm greeted with some little blue corner that had a big box that screamed "THIS BLUE CORNER THING ARE POSTS THAT YOU ARE MOST INTERESTED IN BECAUSE WE SAID SO AND THE REST OF THE MUNDANE CRAPPY POSTS ARE SOMEWHERE UNDERNEATH THE REALLY COOL POSTS THAT WE KNOW YOU WANT TO SEE".

I have no idea how Facebook "knows" what I would be most interested to see, but I've heard that they have a room full of Guatemalan children chained to desks that read every Facebook post and mark them as Top Stories.  These children are known as "The algorithm".

Um... screw you Facebook.

To the right side of the screen was this scrolling mass of updates (mostly my friends bitching about the new Facebook) that was going by so fast that not only did I become nauseous, but I fell out of my chair trying to read them.  I tried to ignore it, but like everyone in this day and age, I'm easily distracted by movement and then mesmerized by it, I totally forgot that I was going to post something exciting and bound to be TOP NEWS like: I'm constipated.

Its as if Facebook is trying a form of social warfare.  It seems to think that I have a lot of friends, but some friends aren't as good as other friends, so they want to put some friends' posts above other friends, like we're all still in high school and have lists of friends, but not good friends or BFFs that we'd call if the REALLY good friends were busy and we were pissed off that they didn't invite us to be busy with them so we'll show them by calling the less than good friends to hang out.

All of my friends are equal friends otherwise I'd completely not friend them, duh! 

So, as I do with everything... I complained about the new Facebook.  A LOT of my friends complained about the new Facebook.  Eventually some started pointing out that Facebook is free, if you don't like it, don't use it.  Yes, yes, I've used that argument before, but this really is the last straw, not like that last straw during the last change, but really REALLY the last straw for me... sorta.

What Facebook does is like this:
You walk down the street and see a sign that says "Free fun club, come on in", and so you do.  The minute you open the door, someone punches you in the face.  You complain that you got punched in the face and the person at the door points out that you shouldn't complain because the club is free.  You tell the person not to punch you in the face anymore, and they say "ok", you walk in and have a really great time in the club.

The next week you go back to the club and the person at the door kicks you in the shins.  You complain.  The person at the door says "oh, but you opted out of being punched in the face, but not getting kicked in the shins, and besides... its free".  You opt out of getting kicked in the shins, go in and have a great time.

The next week you go back and the person at the door stabs you... eventually you stop going because even though its free, and you have a great time, you really have no idea what's going to happen when you open that door.

This is where I'm on to their plot... Facebook is doing its best to piss you off.  It wants you so pissed off that you will finally beg them to give you a fully self customizable User Interface (UI for you geeks) that they won't touch or futz with or add to or "update" or "upgrade" or "fix" or "tweak" or do anything to, and if they do that, you will gladly fork over any sum of money to have that capability.  They WANT you to beg them to charge you for something you have control over. 

They will still provide "Facebook Light" to everyone that doesn't want to pay, and it will be the Facebook we know now: changed, broken, screwed up, things moved around, ads blinking non-stop, scrolling things, hidden stuff, updated, upgraded, and screwed up on a weekly basis for free... because they know you're addicted to Facebook like crack and won't get rid of it, but just may pay for it if it gets annoying enough. 

They know this to be true because their only competitors are MyWasteofSpace, and Google double plus worthless.

In the meantime, I will continue to bitch about free Facebook... just like I bitch about everything else... because that's what Facebook is for, isn't it?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Staycation Day 8

We start the morning with trying to put in the new eye drops that I got to keep my eyes from watering when I talk.  I'm horrible at putting eye drops in, and I've been told by numerous photographers, eye doctors, and others that I have the fastest blink reaction known to man.  If I can ever dig out my prom picture, you'll see that not only are my eyes closed, but I'm wearing a hideous dress that I got as the bridesmaid at my sister's wedding.

Anyhoo, I suck at keeping my eyes open, and aiming for an eyeball when trying to apply drops, so I have to resort to doing stuff like this:
I'm glad I have like 8,000 refills, because I waste most of it dribbling it down my cheek or up my nose.  I had more fun getting waterboarded in survival school than putting these damn drops in.  I also don't know if its working because I haven't really talked to anyone, so I guess I'll have to report my progress once I get back to work... oh wait, I try not to talk to anyone there either... it may be a while before we know if the drops work.

I've been looking at E-bay, hoping I can find something like this
Which would make putting eyedrops in a lot easier, and I could viddy the kino with my droogs.

Oh, while I was putting the drops in, I remembered another little discussion I had with my doctor:

Doctor: You know, some people smoke to lose weight.
Me: OH PUHLEEZE, if those people really wanted to lose weight, they'd be shooting heroin.

After the new morning trauma... I mean ritual, I looked outside and discovered that... the SUN HAD COME OUT!  I immediately got in the RAV and drove to Starbucks.  Ok, I actually went to Petsmart, then Costco, THEN Starbucks, and actually got to sit outside and enjoy a reasonably nice day out for a change.  Of course everything smells like mold, but the sun was shining!

Came home and let the dogs out, and they were also relieved that the sun was out, because it was much nicer tearing up the entire yard searching for grubs when it wasn't raining.  I pretty much stood over them with the bug zapper killing hoards and swarms of giant mosquitos (small brown babies clutched in their beaks) ( am I going to be forced to link all of this material to the actual movies?) because they were going to dig for grubs whether I want them to or not (kinda hard to stop 3 very strong willed and sharp clawed Huskies on a mission for grubs, so you might as well just join the fun somehow).

Pretty much the rest of the night I lounged, lay around, lollygagged, cartooned, blogged, stretched out, read, played Angry Birds, flounced a bit, harassed the dogs some (which is why I'm wearing a band-aid on my arm now), and cruised Facebook, twitter, and watched tv... the extra special depressing marathon of 9/11 shows on every channel because Hillybilly handfishin wasn't on.

I'm not quite sure I should have even counted Friday as a Staycation day because its my normal day off anyway, much like Saturday and Sunday don't really count as Staycation time... I pick up Lobsterman at the airport later tonight (I did make one last trip to the landfill, having to take the long way around because the washed out road is still washed out), and then it'll be the absolutely dreadful Sunday before going back to work time and I'll allow myself to think of the 80,000 autogenerated e-mails that await me at work on Monday... sigh... it went by much too fast.

Meh



Friday, September 09, 2011

Staycation Day 7

When we last left off, I was preparing to go to the doctor for my wonderful annual exam fun-fest
I was semi-disappointed that there were no photo worthy scenes of flooding, chaos, or mayhem
Oopsies
I arrived early, which meant slogging through the articles in really old Vanity Fair magazines (which apparently are now 99.9% advertising, and apparently the "IN" thing is ads with guys who look like they need showers wearing suits and holding women's handbags), and playing Angry Birds until it was my turn.  It was while I waited that I came upon a brilliant idea:  If you pay for the ultra mega-mega high end insurance, you should be taken into a room promptly at your appointment time and be seen while those who don't pay the ultra mega-mega high end insurance sit in the waiting room wearing a paper gown with their privates hanging out until my appointment is done.  I'm just saying.

I love my doctor.  She has a good sense of humor and doesn't nag me about stuff.  She half-heartedly tried to get me to commit to quitting smoking (I've tried Chantix, the patch, the lozenges, cold turkey, and every other route and for the safety of all citizens, its best that I just keep smoking... because you don't want homicidal me stalking the streets jonesing for a smoke). 

She said "Can you just commit to quitting by next year?"  I told her "well, I could lie to you and say "sure" just to get you off my back, but then when I came in here next year still smoking, it would make you feel as though you failed, so for the good of your self esteem, I'm not going to lie to you".  See, I'm a giver, I care!

She then picked the MOST inopportune time to ask: "If there was one medical thing you could change or fix in your life, what would it be?"  I told her the most obvious thing: "That I wouldn't need to have people sticking their fingers where they don't belong once a year." 

I did ask if there was anything that would keep my eyes from watering when I talk.  Its a very annoying thing related to my Maryland allergies.  I'm pretty tired of talking to people and looking like I'm weeping uncontrollably while discussing mundane things like grammar.  She prescribed some flonase and eye drops... but no Xanax (of course).

After getting my referrals and blood work paper, where I need to fast then go for blood (which I typically lose about a week after my appointment), I raced off to get my hair cut.

Normally I go to a fancy spa and get my hair cut by Katie (who is amazing and wonderful, but expensive) and all I really wanted was to even things out a bit so I could grow it through the winter... and I didn't see paying big bucks for that, so I went to Hair Cuttery.  The stylist did a good job, and I got it blowed dried, only because I like to see how they envision me wearing my hair, and because it will be the ONLY time it will look like its suppose to.  I have a distinct lack of will to actually "style" hair in the morning, and generally the goal is getting it dry and not sticking out in 14 different directions, although most of the time that last goal is not met.

After the haircut, it was Starbucks for a latte and some sitting outside relaxing, sipping latte while it rained and rained and rained and every person passing by telling me that they were sick of rain (random, strange people always tend to feel comfortable telling me things... as you will see in a minute).  I sat there for about a half hour reading the facebook page of our counties breaking stories, and watching as each minute a driver decided to self destruct on the roads somewhere.

Before rush hour got started (maximum carnage) I journeyed over the CVS to pick up my prescriptions... except they weren't ready yet.  Apparently my healthcare doesn't cover prescriptions, they're covered under a separate plan that I should have had a card for, but couldn't find the 14 times I looked through my billfold, but then found on the 15th time, and then I had to wait for them to fill the prescription... which consisted of 2 prepackaged boxes of nose spray and eye drops... that's a toughie. 

As I was standing there waiting... a person was talking and it took me a moment to realize that she was talking to me, and holding something out for me to see.  It was some glucose meter for kids that included a fun game... although I'm pretty sure that's a ghoulish concept: stab yourself and get points or something.  She rambled on for about 10 minutes about her life, her kids, blah blah blah, then just stopped talking and wandered off in the middle of the sentence.  Luckily my stuff was ready, so I grabbed it and ran home.

The rest of the night was spent lounging, watching tv, more angry birds, playing with the pups (who are 99.9% covered in rain, mud, and have grub breath), then went to bed and watched "scared straight" because I like watching kids get threatened by inmates.

Tomorrow you'll get to hear just how inept I am about putting drops in my eyes.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Staycation Day 6

Rain.  Did I mention rain?  Oh, I have... ok, how about really loud thunder and lots of lightening... did I mention that?  Or being clawed every 5 minutes?  Yeah, that pretty much sums up Day 6.

I had all sorts of wonderful plans for yesterday.  I was going to go in the morning to renew our firing range membership and poke some holes in paper targets while I was there.  Then come home, take a nap, then get back up and piddle around doing cartoons or something relaxing, then probably nap, then go run some errands.

Instead it was chock full of panting clawing panic husky, and screeching "I wanna be just like Meeshka" Loki freaking out, and thankfully Sam slept through it as usual.

I did manage some cartooning, paying of bills and throwing out of files I have no idea why we kept in the first place type of stuff in between storms, which seemed to arrive, last an hour, stop for an hour, start for an hour, etc.  It was very weird.

Around 2pm(ish) I saw a break in the storms and made a dash for the range (minus weapon) to renew, to Starbucks (of course), and some other errands, and getting back just in time for the next round of torrential downpours.

Lobsterman called just as I was washing the cool stackable Ikea plastic food containers, and while Meeshka decided there was something tasty under the kitchen shelves.  He's having fun out there at least.  I also discovered that stackable Ikea plastic food containers are impossible to get into the same shape they came in once you wash them.  Seriously, you need a PhD or trained monkey or something to get these things stacked the way they came.

Then I had to vacuum out under the cabinets to appease Meeshka, who was then all mad because I didn't simply reach under the cabinet and get the goodie and give it to her, so I had to pretend to reach in there with a goodie and pull it out and give it to her, but then she was all like "I know that wasn't THE goodie that was under there" and kept snorfling under the cabinet.

More storms, more clawing, more rain, then REALLY more rain, and just when you thought there couldn't be more rain... yep, more rain.

So... around 10pm I decided that I would try to go to bed, so I did, and started watching "Get Him To The Greek".  Russell Brand has this sort of repulsive appeal, and I've come into the movie about 6 times in the same spot (near the end) and wanted to watch it from the beginning (ok, I totally laugh at some parts of it, like when Puffy is running after them and gets hit by the car), but generally, meh.

It was at this point when the REAL thundering and downpouring started, so I moved into the living room to provide less clawing acreage when we started getting tornado warnings, so I bribed the dogs downstairs, gated them off and turned on the tv and iTunes loud to drown out the now roaring thunder, lightening and literally throwing buckets of water down... yard flooded AGAIN.  Apparently (from our local Facebook county breaking news page) there was a rapid river response down the street from us.  Its not even a river, its a tiny creek that always floods, but apparently its now a river.  The Baltimore tunnels are also under water, a bunch of roads are closed, and its just not pretty out there, but thankfully no Tornado.

While I hung out waiting for the storm, I did this:

I also got this picture of Meeshka and Sam, during a lull in the storms:
They never "snuggle" so that's about as close as they get. 

At this point, its 3am, and things finally settled down in the thunder arena that I herded the pups off to bed, but it was like sleeping while you wait for something to happen... I figured that as soon as I closed my eyes... it would thunder, so I got about 3 hours of sleep.

Apparently there's all sorts of roads closed and under water.  I have a very exciting annual doctor's appointment at 2pm

 Do I know how to staycation or what!

I'll leave early because I'm not sure what road I can take to get there, or whether I'll need a canoe.  I'll take pictures of the flooding if I find any on the way there, or to Starbucks, because seriously, if ever I need a Starbucks... its today!

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Staycation Day 5

Neither rain, nor cold we keep me from my appointed round to the local landfill.

I love the landfill!  Its very organized with individual dumpsters for different types of junk.  There's this wonderful feeling of satisfaction with dumping a contractor bag full of junk into the dumpster and watching it get smooshed.  I love it!  For bulk stuff, you get to heave the items into really big dumpsters situated below a wall.  Its like your very own little world of stress relief.  The big burly guys who work there always try to help me toss my stuff, but I wave them off.  That's the fun part and dammit I'm gonna toss it in the bin!

I had two runs to the landfill, the second being some dry wall that we had in the very back of the back room (for some reason), and to make it fit in the RAV I had to break it up.  If you've never broken dry wall, I highly suggest buying a huge sheet of it, leaning it against a wall and karate kicking it.  It breaks really easy and makes you feel invincible.  I also got to toss in the huge glass screen door pane, but I was totally disappointed that it didn't shatter in a zillion pieces.  Even when I purposefully tossed the dry wall on it... nothing.  Now that's glass!

Next it was a drive over to Salvation Army with a huge contractor bag of clothes and purses, and then off to Starbucks... because its Starbucks and I needed Starbucks... seriously, I have to explain that?

On the way home I went to Lowes, where I bought the last two plastic (edible) shelving units... which means I have to go scout out another Lowes for more.  One major complaint with Lowes:  your self check-out needs one of those scanner wand things.  All of the other stores have them, so I have no idea why you don't... do you know how hard it is to scan a huge plastic shelf?  Well, it looked really hard because the guy in charge of the self checkout had to do it twice.

By the time I got home it was now POURING rain, so the only thing I could do (other than nap) was continue purging the back room and minimizing the kitchen counter stuff, so that's what I did... and frankly as I was working in the back room the only thing that came to mind was: "On this episode of Hoarders... Penny suffers a hernia and goes insane".  I did manage to make enough room to put up the two new shelves and stock them with boxes.

Did I mention it was POURING rain?  Yep, for hours, and hours, and hours, and frankly when the water level in the back yard was getting alarmingly high... I wondered if Katia was ahead of schedule (apparently we're getting Lee... which needs to go to Texas), and we were getting a rather disturbing amount of water coming into the outside back porch... duh because I had accidentally knocked the drain pipe off the back gutter, so I went out in the POURING rain to fix that.

During the POURING rain, Meeshka decided that she wanted to stay out in it and dig for grubs, taking a break once in a while to bang on the door to come in, shake her mud everywhere, then go back out.  So it was generally a few hours of moving heavy boxes, getting showered with wet husky, moving heavy boxes, more husky shower, Loki wanting out, then in, then out, then in, drying feet, and finally Sam joined the grub hunt and it was three soaked huskies versus me.  Whoot.

I gave up and did some Angry Birds relaxation, read (Dick Cheney's book... which is really good so far), and watched some tv.  Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up and saw an infomercial for a chair-like device with handles that you sit in and wiggle around and tone your midsection.  I was a bit disturbed by the claim that kept scrolling at the bottom, and yes, in the middle of the night I got up and took a picture of it:

Frankly, I don't think I want 7 pounds of fat running loose in my body

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Staycation Day 4

Amazingly enough, the dogs let me sleep in until 9am!  I actually had to prod them with a foot to make sure they were ok (Loki growled at me, so yes, they were fine).

First up, a trip to the most wonderful place on the planet!  No, not Disney, a place even more wondrous and fantabulus!
SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Its the land of minimalism, storage, and awesomeness!!!  Of course, being that it was labor day, everyone in the state of Maryland was here too, but that's ok, I discovered underground parking and packing lanes that apparently nobody else knew about.

Instead of rushing through the place like I have to do when Lobsterman goes with me (he HATES Ikea... BLASPHEMER!!!), I took my time, armed with my paper tape measure, pencil and map.  I sauntered through the displays and marveled at their wonderful simplicity and abundance of storage ideas.  It was at this point where I realized that it would just be easier to move into the Ikea than try to recreate it at my house, but I would have to forbid the world from walking through and I'm pretty sure the store wouldn't like that.

I bought some stuff with strange names like Flurbengadden, and Kevorstaggedon and whatever that would organize all of our junk and make it look cool and retro... or just pathetically half-assed cool and retro, but dammit I'm into organizing this week!

For some reason, the Ikea experience caused large amounts of sweat and a slight headache... probably because it was 90 degrees, gloomy and 400% humidity.
I drove home with my wonderful purchases, dragged them into the house and began putting one of the things together... and wishing a had a power drill for the 8,000 screws.  Yes, we have a power drill, but that would have required me to walk downstairs, get it, plug it in, find the right bit, and screw that, I'll just work those atrophied arm muscles.  I can't show you what I did, because its a surprise for Lobsterman.  Meeshka was very helpful in the putting together of the Ikea stuff.

I also got a new bathroom hamper for our dirty clothes.  We have a hamper thing that's pretty much worthless because its got three sections, but neither of us bother sorting clothes, so I moved that downstairs in the laundry room where its useful for pre-staging laundry.  I also got some storage bowls and containers that stack, and I threw out the mish-mash of tupperware that have no lids and are of no useful size.

After a much needed rest for my now shaking arms, I did some more clearing out of the back room as a torrential downpour kept me from finishing the trimming of grass out front.  The fact that we have large tufts of grass sprouting in strange places may have caused a very nice man to leave his business card with me.  I was polite and took it, but just one look at it made me toss it (not before taking a picture of it).  While I'm sure his grass cutting skills are fantastic, its the attention to detail of the card that made me skeptical about the services that may be rendered:

To be nice, I blocked out the identifying details and contact information, but... seriously... there is so much fail on this card I can't stand it.

Since the dump is open Tuesday, I shoved as much junk into the back of the RAV so I wouldn't have to do it in the morning, then did some reading and lounging the rest of the night... and started watching Hillbilly Handfishin, which is disturbing and like a freakin train wreck.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Staycation Day 3

Today I decided to mash it up and do something exciting, so I went scuba diving off the coast of Bermuda... ok, who am I fooling, I stayed home and ate pop-tarts.

I ran out of room to stack boxes because of all of the trash bags full of Lobsterman's heirlooms that I need to take to the dump (ok, its just empty boxes and papers and stuff), but the dump isn't open on Sundays, nor will it be open on Labor Day (what says Labor Day more than going to the dump?), so I had to abandon the purging of the back room and concentrated on cleaning the guest room (AKA: the place we throw crap when we're too lazy to throw it in the back room).

The Salvation Army is going to get the mother lode Tuesday (apparently the Army doesn't labor on Labor day either) as I purged the purse collection, clothes that I will NEVER fit into EVER again, and all of Lobsterman's clothes... ok, fine, I packed his stuff into one of those fabulous Ziploc tote things (and I'm still waiting for Ziploc to send me more of them for whoring out their wonderful Ziploc totes... the durable, versatile storage solution), and organized the whole room so we can finally close the closet door without fear of injury.

Then, I mowed the front yard.  By the way, NEVER buy a Toro lawnmower, specifically this Toro lawnmower... ok, seriously people, I did a google shopping search for Toro lawnmower and this is what it came up with:
I guess that even google knows that Toro lawnmowers are pieces of crap and will go nuts and puree someone's loved one, causing them to go mad and piece together their loved one and pimp them out or something.

Anyhoo, here's the piece of crap never to buy:
First of all, if the grass is even the tiniest bit high (I'm not talking like over your head, I'm talking like barely out of the ground), the damn thing clogs.  I'm pretty sure the purpose of a lawn mower is to cut grass, therefore it should be able to handle normal sized grass, but no.  Additionally, if the grass is even the slightest bit damp (dew, someone spit on the ground) it collects this big mound of grass poop and jams itself and dies.  If you attach the bagger thing, it seems to work better... in that it won't jam and poop out a wad of grass goo, but you have to dump the bag after every 2 steps because it won't throw the grass poop into the bag... just the neck of the bag, then dies.

I'm doing my best to kill the stupid thing by running over large branches, rocks, boulders... because I don't want to throw away a "perfectly good" (worthless) lawn mower, I want to sufficiently kill it first, then get a decent one.

I was going to do the weed whacking after that, but the battery on our whacker was dead, and so was the one that was charging... because the charger actually needs to be plugged in... go figure, so that'll wait for sometime during the week... when the battery is charged.

After a shower, it was off to Bass World for a new bug zapper (I know you are all thinking: you live such a glamorous life... be jealous).  My old zapper broke, and the mosquitoes were attacking because they knew I was defenseless, so I got two of them.  I'm a bit disappointed in these two because they don't make the mosquitoes pop and smoke like the old one. 

I went to Michaels for some artsy craftsy things that I'm doing for Lobsterman, but I'm not saying what because its a surprise for when he gets home.

I then went to Safeway because none of you pointed out that I was lacking calcium in my food diet selection... so I got a gallon of raspberry chocolate chunk ice cream.

I pretty much layed around reading or playing Angry Birds the rest of the night, except to chase Loki around the house when he got the zoomies, then off to bed... where Lobsterman (who is three hours behind) started texting me questions he could easily google himself, especially when he's asking someone who doesn't wear their glasses to bed and has no idea what the blurry text is saying.

Sunday, September 04, 2011

Staycation Day 2

On day 2 of staycation, I dragged Lobsterman to the airport.  Of course, we stopped at the airport Starbucks, where (despite saying it three times and spelling it) I became "Betty"

To be fair, when they asked what Lobsterman's name was for his cup, I told them Ralph.

Once Lobsterman was violated and irradiated by TSA and on his way to his departing gate, I fled the airport and headed for the grocery store to buy enough food to last the week.  As I was on staycation, I wanted quick, easy to prepare, nutritional foods that would sustain me for the entire week.
I think this will last.

Thanks to Tropical Storm Irene, the grass in the backyard had grown to such a length that Loki kept getting lost, and Meeshka would glare at me because when she did her "bizness" the grass would tickle her delicate po-po, so I mowed the back yard.  It was approximately 99.9% humidity.

Since I was already grotesque and sweaty, I dove into organizing the back room and throwing all of Lobsterman's prized heirlooms away (just kidding honey).  I also did some laundry.

Later on, I made a huge vat of goulash, which was a childhood staple whose recipe we got from my depression era grandmother and pretty much consists of hamburger, macaroni, and diced tomatoes, but its tasty, and comforting, and you can reheat it in the microwave.

Sam demanded to go out (as usual) around 8:30, then demanded his creaky bones, then demanded his bedtime cookie, then demanded to be lifted onto the bed (he's very demanding), so I watched tv.  Unfortunately I got sucked into watching a Hoarders marathon until midnight.


Saturday, September 03, 2011

Staycation Day 1

In light of the dismal jobs report (and subsequent tanking of my 401K), I decided that I needed to go invest in some infrastructure jobs by going to Lowes:

While at Lowe's, I created/saved one job by asking an "associate" where on earth they hid the Ziploc Totes, which are the best invention since the spleen and are much sturdier than the stupid Space Bags that are made out of cellophane, rip if you look at them wrong, and leak the moment you suck air out of them.  Space Bags: expensive pieces of crap.  Ziploc Flexible Totes: manna from heaven.  Dear Ziploc, I can be bribed with freebies.

When I got home, I assembled my infrastructure:
Please note that the packaging had very large notices that these shelves are made from "green" technology.  So not only am I investing in infrastructure projects, but I am also supporting "earth friendly" products that create flimsy plastic that is made from soybean products that began to decompose the moment I removed it from the plastic wrap (made from normal plastic and was much stronger than the shelving), and in a pinch I can always eat the shelves.

Please note that on the right hand side now blocked by the shelving is a treadmill, which demonstrates how serious we both are about staying in shape.

The rest of the week will be spent going through the crap on the other side of the room (out of view of this photo for fear that one of you will submit our names to the Hoarders people), and most likely visiting the dump on a regular basis throughout staycation.  I have already found drywall and a glass screen door insert for a door we no longer have.