Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Cold Pill Rant

* Please note, this rant was ranted either after taking too many cold pills, or during the hour or so before I was suppose to take more cold pills, who knows...

Dear makers of cold pills:  You suck and I wish a bus would hit you.... several times.... then perhaps a steamroller would squish you, you suck, I hate you... mainly because I have a cold and you don't make pills like you use to.

What's up with the "gel caps" the size of Spacelab?  Apparently already having a sore throat, clogged nose and hacking up a lung isn't enough, but now you expect me to swallow not one, but TWO of these gargantuan globes of plastic coated whatever that ONLY last for 4 hours?  Something that size should last for a week, if not longer!  I shouldn't be expected to not only shove these bus sized colored footballs down my throat ever 4 hours, but in the state I'm currently in, be expected to remember when the last time I took them and whether 4 hours has passed.  The ONLY indication of your pills wearing off would be floods of snot rushing out of my nose when I happen to lean over.

What's up with the HUGE pills?  Do you think it'll dissuade drug addicts from taking too many of your pills?  Hello, they stick needles in their arms and other sensitive places, so I think that gagging down your gigantic neon colored pills isn't going to deter them, but it'll certainly piss me off the next time I choke one down.

Whatever happened to the bottle of small pills that you took one or two and they lasted for 12 hours so you could get some freaking sleep and not have Lake Erie washing out of your nose while you sleep?  Huh?  Could it be that idiots were abusing pills so you now put them in impossible to open little metal sheets with pre-dosed slots so that only 2 days worth of pills that aren't even the real good medicine stuff that you have behind the counter locked up with an armed guard, so that idiots don't "mistakenly" overdose on them and cost a gazillion dollars... seriously? 

Why is it that I can only buy something that lasts for 4 hours?  How do you expect me to get ANY sleep with a schedule like that?  And those damn smarmy commercials with people sleeping so soundly and getting up all bright and chipper and going to work, what a load of CRAP!  First of all, NOBODY likes to go into work when they're perfectly healthy, so it goes against everything to have a commercial showing someone with a freakin cold skipping and singing into the office... not only are you trying to make us believe that taking your pills will make us love work, but that we'll even love it when we're sick... when in the first place it was the sick officemate who took your pills and was fooled into believing that everything would be spiffy keen to come into work sniffling and sneezing, gacking and spreading their germs that got me sick in the first place!!!!!

I hate you!

1 comment:

Huffle Mawson said...

Sudafed from Canada, small, long-lasting, and full of speed. Just saying.