Sunday, June 27, 2010

Things That Are Getting On My Nerves This Weekend

Fledgling birds!

This is nest #2 of the dysfunctional robin family.  You would think after about 10 years of having their babies fall into the mouths of my dogs, they would go build their nests someplace else, but NOOOOO!

If they don't care that their offspring meets horrible deaths every time they fling themselves out of the nest, then I shouldn't have to live with the guilt, but they don't have to toss their (sometimes) still death reflex gulping babies over the fence after the sudden squawking death at the teeth of my huskies.  Euw.

There were two (note the past tense) this morning, but one threw itself out JUST as Loki came trotting out to pee and that was the end of that.  There's one more in there, tottering at the edge of the nest each time one of the dogs has to pee, so I'm forced (through guilt) to leash the dogs up and walk them around the yard to make sure the last survivor makes it out of the yard... I'm pretty sure when its ready to fling itself out of the nest it'll run straight for me and meet its doom.

They can't wait for the weekday when they have 8 hours of safe yard while we're at work, no they wait for the weekend.  Its so bad, Loki now just lays right under the nest with his mouth open.

Morons at the mall!

Friday I ran to the mall to grab batteries for my early warning Lojack system because their automated phone thing kept calling me while I was driving around and saying someone was stealing my car.  I got behind some woman that had a zillion "I support organ donation" stickers all over her car... who appeared to be lost, stupid, blind, or something.  When she slowed to 2.5 MPH I was screaming "OHMYGAWD ITS A GOOD THING YOU SUPPORT ORGAN DONATION BECAUSE WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU, SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET A WHOLE SET OF YOURS", and then when she stopped in the middle of the intersection, I realized her license plate holder said "I'm a kidney donor recipient" because I only managed to stop 2 inches from her back bumper, at which point I screamed: "YOU SHOULD HAVE RECEIVED A BRAIN DONATION YOU SCUM SUCKING..." it went downhill from there.  I'm pretty sure she now needs a heart transplant because when I laid on the horn, she jumped about 5 feet in the air and got out of the way... make that an underwear transplant.

I did get to see a mall cop SUV, a mall cop cheater segway (the kind with 3 wheels), and two county cops at Burlington Coat Factory on the way out.  I was hoping they'd be dragging the kidney woman out in cuffs with the taser things still stuck to her chest.

I blame the heat for being cranky.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Sunday With Lobsterman

As usual, hubby went on a motorcycle ride with his "gang".  I stayed at home in the air conditioning because I smooshed my finger with a sledge hammer... ok, that wouldn't have kept me from riding on the back of the bike, the 900 degree heat did have more to do with it.

Me: I see that SPF 8,000 didn't help out any today
Lobsterman: no, not really, now stop talking and spray something on this
Me: I need you to move out on the deck
Lobsterman: why the deck, its cool in here
Me: well, you're close to the smoke detector and I'm concerned your crackly skin is going to set it off
Lobsterman: shut up and spray... is that Pam, the no-stick cooking spray? 
Me: well, you are medium-well, and its olive oil, its suppose to be good for the skin

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Iced Latte with Lobster Bisque Man

Hubby went on his usual weekend motorcycle ride today.  It was only 95 degrees out, but it felt like 99 degrees, therefore it was 99 freakin degrees.  I opted to stay home in the glorious air conditioning.

Instead of just being lobster man this time, thanks to the humidity he was Lobster Bisque man.

Me: Wow, I'm pretty sure you're going to glow in the dark.
Hubby: shut up, I think my nose it going to ooze off
Me: I have something for that
Hubby: is it NOT going to hurt like the time you poured alcohol on that open wound I had?
Me: probably
Hubby: stay away from me
Me: come on, that was like 20 years ago, and why do you still have that bandaid on where you got a tetnus shot three days ago
Hubby: because it'll hurt if I pull it off, so I'm just going to let it come off naturally

It was at that time that 2 monks and a hippy walked into a Starbucks... no seriously, they really did.  How can you carry on a band-aid conversation with that going on.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Memorable Workplace Moments

So this morning I was outside of work talking to some co-workers about something and I kept feeling a bug crawling on my arm.  It was very annoying, even though I kept trying to brush it off my arm on my shirt and pants, the stupid thing seemed to flit back on my arm.  I tried to swat it a few times with my hand as I kept talking, but it just kept coming back.

For some reason, as I swatted and swiped my arm against my shirt and pants, my co-workers were getting these strange looks on their faces, so I looked down at my arm and realized that a scab from a small puncture I had gotten from Meeshka during one of her storm freak outs had started bleeding all over the place.  Why is it that the smallest little wounds just gush blood.
I just pretended like spontaneous bleeding was absolutely normal, and so did they, but I'm guessing they'll probably avoid me... like everyone else.