Monday, September 06, 2010
This Old Foreclosed House - Tree Edition
So, it came as some surprise during a storm when I happened to hear a really loud noise coming from out front. It wasn't THAT bad of a storm, but apparently there were some pretty strong wind gusts, and... tree in their yard... and blocking the entire street. GREAT! Of course, in a normal situation the owners of said tree would do something about it, but as there are no owners of said tree, that left me to call the county street department and report it. A few hours later, when there was no sign of the county street department, and I would have to lay in bed and listen to people run into the tree, my neighbors and I revved up the chainsaws and hacked off the parts sticking in the street and dragged the remains into the foreclosed home's yard.
Yep, they cleared a tiny little spot in the front yard to plop down a "for sale" sign. WOW! Its amazing just how well that sign hid all of the branches. You can barely notice them, and what person in their right mind would pass up a house with a freakin dead tree in the front yard?
You'll note that I blocked out the phone numbers and name of the realtor because I know my audience... they'll be dialing the phone and listening to the handy recording, but one thing that I didn't realize when I was listening to how much they were trying to sell this craptastic house (thus making our house barely tread water) is that they KNOW what phone you called from, and like me, you will get a realtor calling you back almost the moment you hang up the phone, slathering about the fact that SOMEONE called and may be interested in the potential crack den from hell.
"Hi, did you just call the number for XXXX street name? Are you interested in the property?"
Whoa there frantic realtor, I'm the neighbor, and although I'd love to buy the lot just to bulldoze the crappy house into the crappy pool and build a huge garage, I'm just curious to know how much damage you're causing my neighborhood by dumping this craphole for any amount you can get.
I'm pretty sure I heard the realtor's spirit break over the phone. "Oh, well, if you know anyone..."
Holy crap dude, do you think I'd actually tell someone I knew to move into that mold-fest with built in West Nile virus incubator? Tell ya what though, I'll keep bugging the bank about the dead tree, the damage to my property, and the health hazard that thing is, and I'll even try to refrain myself from screaming "FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD RUN, RUN AWAY FROM THAT MONEY PIT" whenever you bring someone to look at it.
The next day I got another call from the other realtor's associate asking if I was interested in the house (see above), and the next day called the bank again to complain about my damaged property. Apparently the first person I spoke to neglected to tell me that I had to "file a claim" so I asked to "file a claim" and the woman told me that someone would promptly contact me... I'm still waiting.
I'm guessing that guy with pickup truck wasn't too sure how to handle the very expensive fiber optic cables entwined in the tree's roots and just below the surface (don't blame him), so here it sits while people come and look at the house... and there have been people coming to look at the house.
It takes every fiber of my being to not scream at them from our deck "HEY! Take a look under that fancy tarp covered dance floor" or as they walk into the house "Where's your OSHA approved respirators for all of that black mold?" If the bank doesn't fix my property, I'll be sure to add: "... and if you buy it, you have to fix my property too!"