Friday, July 30, 2010

Bats in your hair

So, I'm sitting outside enjoying the ear piercing shrieks of cicadas when I see our 2 usual bats doing their supersonic moves through the air in our yard, hopefully sucking up all of the mosquitos from Malaria Pool next door... and it totally weirds me out.

In my head, I hear my grandmother warning me: "watch out for the bats because they'll swoop down and get tangled in your hair". Yes, this from the woman that thinks pregnancy comes from toilet seats, but still... why risk it?

I KNOW after a gazillion years of watching Discovery Channel, and National Geographic channel and every channel but lamestream media, that bats don't swoop down and get tangled in hair. I think that even lamestream media would have a story about that, along with a video where the news puppet would laugh at the poor person with a bat stuck in their hair... but no, nothing.

Even though I KNOW for a fact that a bat won't swoop down and intentionally tangle itself in my hair... I'm still weirded out by them. They're fast. They zoom around all erratic. What if they made a silly mistake and jinked instead of twisted and BAM... bat in the hair? Then where would I be? I'd be apologizing to my long dead grandmother and also explaining to all of my former facebook friends who would post that video of me getting a bat cut out of my hair by EMTs that all I was doing was sitting on my deck listening to annoying cicadas and they all should DIE!

So, if you are a parent... tell your kids that a bat will swoop down and get caught in their hair, and they'll get pregnant if they sit on a public toilet seat, and make them pull your finger, and that chewing gum will stay in your stomach until you die, and you'll get worms if you eat cookie dough raw... because I shouldn't be the only one with mental problems in this world.

... and I still can't get any Xanax.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Huffle Mawson said...

But... oh never mind. I'm off to ask for my Xanax prescription now.

Dave Terry said...

LOVE IT...I will now travel down to Dallas tomorrow to stand on the Grassy Knoll...

Painter Pack said...

My thing with bats is...COULD they possibly be vampires? I'm just asking.


Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said...

I actually have no problem getting Xanax :)


Kate said...

I stumbled across your blog. I love it and am going to poke around a little bit. Don't worry, I'll put everything back where I found it!

John said...

As a boy about 10 years old (around 1970) I was out walking with my father on a hillside in the middle of Wiltshire, England, the evening was very dark. Miles from the nearest street light it was almost impossible to see. Suddenly and without any warning something brushed the back of my head. I was 30 metres from any hedge or tree it was only a light touch. In the suddeness and confusion of the event I exclaimed to my father that I thought something had 'sh**' on me, my father was not pleased in my choice of words and spent sometime instructing me on my vocabulary. On reaching to the back of my head my hair was dry. There were bats around we had seen them before it became too dark and I had heard their echo location. I am convinced it was a bat that landed on the back of my head.