Sunday, April 04, 2010

What the Dilly?

So, I was all set to rant about the Dairy Queen Dilly Bar the other day, and it turned into a whole public service announcement and made me even madder about it than I intended (for the public service announcement part, where I talk about how a Dairy Queen Dilly bar and possibly other types of ice creams may kill your dog, just go here).

So, back to the rant for humans.

We go to Dairy Queen because a bunch of people on facebook are all about dilly bars, and sundaes and all things ice creamy, so I wanted a freakin Dilly Bar. The guy behind the counter had so many tattoos and piercings that I thought perhaps that was the dress code at Dairy Queen now went and scavenged my Dilly Bar from the big freezer while "dude" got my husband a chocolate dipped cone (and how do they not lose big globs of sani serve ice cream in that vat of chocolate?). Dude was actually a woman, who turned out to be the manager, and her name wasn't Dude, but tattoo guy behind the counter kept calling her "dude" as in "dude, can I have a dilly bar? I'll pay for it and all." We were apparently invisible customers because this back and forth went on while I was trying to pay for the Dilly Bar and dipped cone without being told what the price was because tattoo guy was too busy pestering "dude" to give me a total.

I had to stop and wonder why kids growing up now have the vocabulary of 5 year olds and call their managers "dude", but then I remembered that they watch tv where "trusted newscasters" call people "teabaggers" and laugh, and the Vice President says things like "BFD" on live tv and then sells t-shirts to get themselves re-elected. Yep, puzzle solved.

So, we got out of there with our treats and ate them outside since it was a nice day and its hard riding a motorcycle while eating a dilly bar and dipped cone.

My dilly bar was hermetically sealed in plastic and plastered with all sorts of nutritional information and warnings. I yearned for the good ol days when the dilly bar was created and hand dipped daily by the workers, had a little swirly thing on one side, came in a little paper sleeve, and didn't taste as though it had been frozen as long as some mastodons.

That's when I read the "warning" that said "eating a substantial amount of these treats may have a laxative affect from the sugar alcohols". Hey! Don't know what these "sugar alcohols" are, but in my hand I had the perfect weight loss product! You could eat a zillion of these things and poop them right out without any consequence. Then I thought again and realized that our government is so into "helping" us not get morbidly obese, that they've edicted that "fat free" treats be forced upon the masses, and the consequences of these treats would be constant trips to the crapper. All they really needed to do was the keep the original recipe and put the following warning: Warning: eating a lot of these will make you a fat tub of lard and you'll die a horrible death". I'm pretty sure that eating them with the "sugar alcohols" will do the same thing, except you'll be a fat poop covered tub of lard dying a horrible and embarrassing death. Way to think you worthless government!

So, in case you are wondering and didn't go to the other blog, when I got home I looked up the "sugar alcohols" and discovered that its just fake sugar with less calories, and one of the most common of the fake sugars happens to be Xylitol, which happens to be deadly to dogs. So much for sharing your cone or dilly bar with your best four footed friend. What other "helpful" crap are food producers shoving in our foods to save us from our own gluttony that may kill our pets without us even knowing about it. The government wants everyone to post the most basic of ingredients on everything, but we can just gloss over that whole "sugar alcohols" thing because hey, why do you need to know something like that will kill your dog.

Frankly I gotta wonder... if Xylitol will kill your dog... what's it doing to you? I mean other than make you crap your pants when you least expect it. Gotta love the "health" food craze.


Musashi said...

Xylitol is harmful (not always deadly) to dogs because they digest things differently. In the same sense a dog can scavenge off an animal on the side of the freeway, but if a human were to consume that very same 'meal' then it wouldn't turn out so well either. Dogs go into hypoglycemic shock if they consume too much Xylitol as their livers aren't made to process sugar alcohols. Xylitol has been consumed in Europe since the 1940's and continues to grow in its popularity predominantly due to its dental benefits. More info is available at:

Anonymous said...

My dairy queen still has the "homemade" dilly bars! And no xylitol listed in the ingredients.