I think that's aptly titled, and frankly I don't think I should even bother with the rest of the post because I'm pretty sure that everyone knows what this means and probably don't have to spell it out... fine, be that way!
It started off with Oliver Cyst making an appearance. Hadn't been visited by Oliver in quite some time and frankly I have no idea why he decided to pop up and cause agony over the simplest of movements. Who is Oliver Cyst? My gah, really, I don't have time to go into all of that fiasco, suffice it to say its a cyst in my left wrist that decides to pop up once in a while and make me miserable.
Then Sam, our spineless, bionic hip puppy was outside running, yipped and now is limping. Every time Sam limps, its the sound of the cash register. Sam can't just sprain something, Sam always has to have some kind of bizarro injury that costs us large amounts of money. Please note that anyone posting a comment suggesting we are insane for spending thousands on a dog or suggesting we have him put to sleep will be hunted down and maimed, refused medical care, then put to sleep. Better yet, throw your child off the roof and then let me bitch at you for taking it to the doctor, and while you wring your hands nervously, I'll suggest you put your broken child to sleep... in other words, bite me.
So, on top of that, I go into the back room and discover that our water heater is leaking water all over. Well just spiffy keen shoot me now! Lucky for us, our water heater is covered under the expensive mondo warranty policy thingie that says they'll just replace that sucker for little to no money or fix it for the same pittance of money. Everything is covered... see the picture below and please point out to me what you think isn't covered (I made it easy with arrows), then guess what exactly is wrong with our water heater.
Yep, the water heater repair guy shows up, pronounces the water heater (that's covered) is just fine, the problem is the leaking pipe leading to the water heater, and the "reserve" tank connected to the water heater... both of which are NOT covered under our handy warranty program... of course. FINE, so fix these issues.... but he can't because he's not a plumber, he's just a water heater guy (I would think that you would need to be both, but apparently he's just a specialist on water heaters), but he was nice enough to send a message to the plumbers and tell them that its an emergency, that water is leaking all over, and since its Friday at 4pm... I should expect to hear from someone on Monday. Gosh, good thing he said it was an emergency, otherwise it may be months before I hear from someone apparently.
In the meantime, he told me that I need to turn off the breaker to the heat pump and shut off the hot water... um... really? I mean its actually been leaking for 2 weeks actually and seems to work just fine, what's the big deal... and what do you mean no hot water until the plumbers fix it... SONOFA....
Saturday afternoon rolls around and the plumbers call, all chipper and happy. Apparently the "reserve" tank is a special thing that the Anne Arundel County code enforcement people receive a kick back on and have made it mandatory that all homes have them, so that's why they cost $300. My 80 gallon water heater cost $300, so you're telling me that the itty bitty whatever the frick tiny mandatory piece of crap leaking goofy looking thing that does absolutely NOTHING is going to cost me the same as my water heater, that isn't covered in this repair, and the replacing of the leaking pipe is going to cost me. Its at this point, standing in the kitchen with a sink full of dirty dishes, reeking like a homeless person with nasty hair, pile of dirty clothes gathering because I have no hot water, I began weeping and laughing because the soonest they can come out is Monday afternoon.
Sure, why not, I've got some dog wipes that says they will make my coat silky smooth and some baby wipes for that deep down clean so I can go to work looking professional... ok, actually I never go to work looking professional, unless its professionally demented, but I do tend to smell like grapefruit extract and cucumber soap and some flowery shampoo stuff, not like I haven't bathed since Friday.
Needless to say, I'll be showing up to work long enough to say that I'm out for the rest of the day, then I'll be at home pacing and waiting for the plumbers to show up... then soaking in a hot tub once there is glorious hot water again.