Monday, June 01, 2009

Thank you for buying Government Motors

Salesman: You’ve made a wise choice with the new 2009 GM Hope.

Buyer: It was a tough choice between the GM Change, but I like the GM Hope a lot more.

Salesman: Most people prefer the Hope over Change, and you won’t be sorry. Now, lets add up these pesky prices and get you on your way down the road. There’s tax, tags, VAT, Green fee...

Buyer: VAT? Green fee?

Salesman: oh yes, the valued added tax goes toward the health care plan. After all, you are driving a car that may hurt someone that can’t afford health insurance, so I’m sure you don’t mind making sure that any potential victims you mow down will have adequate health insurance.

Buyer: um, I guess so, but what about the Green fee, its not a golf cart.

Salesman: oh it sure isn’t a golf cart because golf carts go much faster than the GM Hope, no the Green tax will cover the manufacturing of all of the parts that we think you’ll need over the lifetime of the car, and the disposal of used parts during the lifetime of your car to ensure that the parts do not contaminate landfills and cause the earth to warm up and die.

Buyer: oh... ok, I guess. I mean how many parts could it need?

Salesman: well, there are the oil changes every 150 miles, and the ...

Buyer: every 150 miles??? Why does it need oil every 150 miles?

Salesman: well, the 2009 GM Hope was built using only green technology, so it uses a very special ecologically safe and natural type of oil found only in certain parts of Saudi Arabia and is sucked out of the earth using straws to ensure that the land is not damaged. As you can imagine, its very expensive, but only clean emissions are expelled from the car and the ozone is left intact.

Buyer: Wow, every 150 miles, that’s not too many trips to work and back

Salesman: well, its one way that GM has provided the consumer with adequate motivation to conserve energy and keep the earth clean. As a matter of fact, if the car goes 151 miles, it freezes up and won’t move until it is brought in for service.

Buyer: um, I’m not feeling too good about the 2009 Hope anymore

Salesman: oh, but you will when you get on the road and feel the wind whipping through your hair at 5 mph.

Buyer: I guess that’s because it doesn’t have a windshield.

Salesman: well that’s to keep the weight of the car down so that the 9 volt battery can charge the engine. Ok, so once we’ve added up all the applicable charges, we’ll sign you up for a genuine GM loan with 35% interest for the low price of $56,000.

Buyer: oh my GAWD why is it so expensive?

Salesman: well, after all, it is made in American with union pride and all, and to ensure that only the best parts are used, we had to put out a request for proposal using our transparent contract issuance procedures, and you’ll be pleased to know that our benefactor, China, won the contract and is providing all of the parts. We’ve also included the price of at least 4 more 2009 GM Hopes into your loan to give to those who can’t afford to buy their own. Sign here on the dotted line or we’ll release the names and addresses of your loved ones and their salary information to the press and have a wonderful day!


Krystal said...

Ok, didn't know if I should laugh or cry b/c i think this is where the USA is heading...

Bonnie's Husband said... you come up with the "Word Verification" words too it wants me to type nimrod.

OMG again! maybe thats the Government Motors throwback classic to be produced in year 2. "The Nimrod". 0-15mph in 30 seconds.

Funny stuff. Read your others too. Do you draw you cartoons in the margins of your notebook?

whosoever7 said...

Yea! I have a new blog to look at!
Thanks and keep up the (funny) good work.

vicki said...

I want to laugh, I really do but it's just so close to the truth...

Tracey and Huffle said...

I want to laugh too... so I will :)

Sleddawgirl said...

Oh lordy... I'm sitting at work (an "institution for higher education") laughing and crying at once. It's all so pathetic. It's the only way I know to balance myself. Laugh, then cry, then laugh, then cry... I mix it up once in awhile by tossing in some anger: I just pick something up and throw it -- my Obama bobble-head was one of the first to go. I'm looking for a Harry Reid and a Chris Dodd next -- of course just about any liberal will do.