Sunday, June 21, 2009

If only I had stumps

I think it would be much easier and less painful to walk if I just removed my feet. Body parts should be modular, that way when you have a problem with one, you can just snap it off and replace it with a better part, or a part that isn’t broken. Feeling frisky, snap on some big boobs. Feeling bloated and oogie, snap on some big ol cankles.

I find it highly amusing (not “ha ha” but “good gah”) that I can stand at the supermarket checkout counter while waiting my turn in line and stand on my toes, move my feet around, contort my legs in all sorts of different poses and positions, but I can’t take a freakin step without screaming in pain and gnashing my teeth. Apparently I’ve done something horrible to my feet (no thanks to the Wii) that I’ll be bedridden for the rest of my life.

WAAAAHOOOOOOO!!!!! Seriously, that would be really cool, especially if the government will pay for my mortgage and bills and new computer and all that stuff. Maybe even get a maid paid for and a dog walker, and of course the someone to feed me chocolate and ice cream person and the channel changer (because I may hurt myself fumbling with the remote) and the chef and all that stuff. I’m sure the government will cough up the money to pay for all of that, I certainly can’t be expected to hold down a full-ish time job while in pain, right?

Speaking of not getting paid, apparently some airlines wants its employees to work for free for a month to help the company not go under. Um... excuse me while I laugh so hard I wet myself and have to leave and change my underwear. Is it just me, am I the ONLY person (other than dear hubby of course) that actually HAS to work, and actually HAS to work doing stuff they don’t REALLY WANT to do, and actually weeps in the shower every morning because they HAVE to go to work? I mean, even if I didn’t have debt from buying fun things that allow me to have fun when I’m NOT at work, I’d still be FORCED to work in order to pay for the ROOF over my head, therefore... just how on earth do companies think that the average person can NOT get paid for a month and NOT get thrown out of their house and have all of their goodies taken away????

Apparently companies still need to make a daily influx of money in order to stay open, so how is it that employees are suppose to “buckle up and give a freebie month to the team for the good of the company”, when the company shouldn’t have blown money on stupid crap so they wouldn’t have to ask their employees to work for free for a month. Hey, how about cutting out stupid crap, like bloated CEO salaries and private jets, and percs and benefits for the executives or white collars? eh? Better yet, how about just going under and either going the way of the Beta VCR or having another company buy your junk and started over and probably doing a much better job than you did. That way your employees will get a month off, but they’ll still get paid thanks to the wonderful socialist programs in place that they’ve paid into for years and better get something out of soon because at this rate that money will be long gone what with all the “stimulus” jobs just opening up and creating work for everyone.... just peed myself again.


jen said...

i have the same thing where i take a step and all of a sudden something pulls wrong. it's a serious pain, especially when i'm kick-boxing.

Tracey and Huffle said...

I'm totally not getting the Wii sports thingy now. I will get wiichilles as well. You know it, and I know it.`

Bonnie's Husband said...

Detachable body parts?????

Guy going on fishing trip with Buddies...

Wife: I assume you left it on the dresser!!??

Guy: (whining) Oh come onnnnnn...the other guys are bringing theirs!!!??