Saturday, June 13, 2009

I've Lost the Will to Live

Its gotta be the pred, all 6 of those vile, melt in your mouth steroid things that are coursing through my body at this moment to stop this ghastly poison ivy itch and give me a huge forehead and make me ineligible to play professional baseball.

Yes, I woke up this morning, rinsed off all the calamine spots and hauled my spotted butt (actually, about the only thing not affected by the poison ivy) to a Minute Clinic, conveniently located not anywhere near where I live because apparently the one near where I live isn’t there any more, even though they built a nice room for it and that’s where I went for some other incredibly badly timed whatever it was give me drugs moments.

The doctor laughed at me while pouring alcohol on everything I touched and gave me a prescription for reducing dose of Prednisone and there I was trying to wash those shit pills down, all 6 of them. I feel bad for my dog who had to take 3 of them reducing dose when we thought he had some kind of horrible auto-immune thing, but it turned out to be JUST Lyme disease (seriously, wish for the Lyme and not the auto-immune because antibiotics takes care of the Lyme, auto-immune is not so happy)... I apologize now to Sam, I’m sorry Sam. You have every right to insist that you shove my 6 melty, foul tasting pills down my throat and blow in my nose.

Ok, so lets take stock of things:

1.) covered in oozing, itchy poison ivy lesions
2.) big honking zit on side of face
3.) Jonesing for either Chantix or a smoke
4.) Still experiencing some foul gastro-intestinal things from former lover Chantix

I am a picture of sexy right now, so what would put some icing right on that cake of ghastly, what could possibly be missing when so much is raining down on me....

why of course, the crowning glory, the icing on the cake, the cherry on top... broken tooth.

Teeth should be much stronger than frozen M&Ms. I do realize that fillings may NOT be as strong as starburst fruit chews, but teeth should be able to withstand some frozen M&Ms, especially since I was eating them one at a time, allowing them to thaw somewhat in my mouth before chewing, WTF.

Of course we don’t have the wonderful Obamacare, where I’m sure that I would be able to just get up and waltz over to one of the 24 hour, 7 days a week, 365 days a year free dental clinics he promised us and get something done about this, but no.... my dental horror is premature and I must wait... like everyone else, until Monday to make an appointment with my regular dentist and get it taken care of... spending the next few days eating on the other side and getting sick to my stomach each time I feel the gaping hole with my tongue... OH SONOFA... I think my dentist is closed on Mondays... WTF, that’s 2 days before I can even call and schedule something... where’s that wonderfully free and always available healthcare I’ve been promised???? Would you stop sending Uighur terrorists to tropical vacation spots to be towel boys and get on with that whole new free always available health care program thing so I can get my tooth fixed!!!!!

Damn, now I itch again.


Tracey and Huffle said...

Oh dear. I prescribe the rest of the weekend in bed. Safest for everyone, really.

Painter Pack said...

Honestly, you never lack! You always deliver! So sorry about the itching, the pills, the cigarette/Chantix cravings, and the tooth. Someday soon, we will have that free and wonderful healthcare, along with taxes on our sodas, fattening foods, and for those of us who work and pay for insurance, we'll be taxed on that! Hmmmm...thought this healthcare was FREE???? Think they could throw in some food stamps as a perk?

husky mom said...

I was gonna share my tale of the tentanus shot and how my arm is swollen and I have "flu-like" symptoms, but there's no way I can compete with the mess o' medical issues you have, so I'll defer and hope you get some relief from the itching soon. WV=mishea

jen said...

there is a reason that they black-box prednisone for people with anxiety disorders, you know. :)

(they have "DO NOT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GIVE THIS WOMAN PREDNISONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" scrawled across my chart at the clinic.)