Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Good Bye Tech Support

With President Obama’s vow to stop those sneaky evil tax dodging companies from “sheltering” profits overseas, we bow our heads and kiss all manner of tech support good bye. Please, can we have a moment of “Girl from Ipanema” hold music please?

You see, I’m old enough to remember the days of computers that came WITHOUT any sort of telephonic technical support whatsoever. You bought it, that’s all you got. Oh sure, you could purchase (for the price of the computer) some form of telephonic tech support for it, but you could only call between the hours of 8 am and 4 pm, monday through friday mountain time, and typically you sat on hold for hours waiting for someone to pick up your call. This didn’t really help on those Sundays when you are doing your taxes (which are due the next day) and you blue screen of death and there’s nobody there to hear you weep, not even over the phone.

Enter that pesky little “hey businesses, you can hire overseas people and not pay taxes on whatever or something” law and suddenly not only do you get tech support 24X7, but you get a whole whopping year’s worth without selling an organ. Oh sure, if you called during normal business hours you got to talk to an english as a first language type person, but frankly who wants to take a day off to sit in front of your computer and fix it when you can do it at midnight or on the weekend and talk to “Steve” who probably wasn’t Steve and probably wasn’t even in this country. I’m pretty sure that day time tech support came from people who had been vetted by a hiring team, screened to ensure their computer literacy, and actually liked helping people, versus “Steve” who walked out of a bar and lured into a building with the promise of 1 rupee salary and a meal.

Now that the pesky little “shelter” is going away to bring back jobs to the states, you’ll get no 1 year tech support with your computer and when you do call for tech support, you’ll get to hear the droning “We’re sorry, tech support is closed, please try between the hours of 1pm and 1:15pm Monday through Tuesday. Please be seated at your computer and have your credit card waiting for us to tell you to reboot your machine 6 or 7 times”.

Another fun thing to come from all of this are the EXTREMELY high priced toys from toy manufacturers. They’ll have to DRAAAAAG back their manufacturing division to the states, where they couldn’t afford to pay the “minimum wage” requirement, EPA requirements, now the cap and trade requirements and make a profit in the first place. Most likely you’ll get lead coated, melamine laden toys from China when the manufacturers just up and sell their brand name to the Chinese who have absolutely no restrictions on anything.

Speaking of fun, apparently the White House is denying that they will set the White House Press pool on those Chrysler investors that won’t take bare minimum payout and “ease” the company into bankruptcy. They say nobody has threatened them in any way... except to call them in various and sundry press conferences: unpatriotic, vultures, accusing them of demanding tax-payer funded bailouts, revealing their names and addresses to the public... nah, that’s not coercion or threatening at all, especially after what AIG and the other firms went through. What’s a few death threats, Acorn staged protests calling for garroting with piano wire and threats of killing families? Besides, the White House has decided to create its own lexicon to help people better understand what it means.

Blackmail = leverage. Used in a sentence: we leveraged Iran’s nuclear capability and the probability of the U.S. just sitting there while Iran annihilates Israel if Israel doesn’t make nice with Palestine

The White House is still trying to figure out how to simply phrase “whatever VP Biden said, you must have misunderstood it” hedging their bets that VP Biden will never make sense during his tenure as the VP.

2 comments:

Tracey and Huffle said...

Why do you need tech support? You have a mac.

Painter Pack said...

God bless you and your ramblings!! I loved it!! It's all true, but you always put it in such a great read!!! You need to post moe!!! With Meeshka's approval of course.

Painter Pack