Thursday, April 02, 2009

Day Umpteenth of Ass Lozenges

Subtitled: weeping, weeping

Oh yeah, despite a vigorous brushing of teeth and gargling before bed, another lovely aspect of the ass lozenge is that waking up in the morning with that same ass taste in your mouth. Its as though its oozing through my body now. I hope I actually don’t reek of it.

I’m also relieved that I quit in the nick of time (kinda sounds like nicotine... sigh) because apparently the government has now taken over the regulation of all tobacco products. I can hear the sound of angry smokers jacking a round into the chamber as I type. If there’s one thing a government can do, that certainly is screw up a totally profitable business, so its only a matter of time before nicotine clinics open up and teeth gnashing smokers line up for their government fix. Kiss the last true american business good-bye, this will surely not end well. Take for example the newly formed DMV automotive repair center.

Anyhoo, I managed one ass lozenge to work, ptooeyed it out for my morning coffee before grabbing the phone with shaking hands and calling CVS to find... heaving sigh... no prescription yet. I called the doctor again to see what the usual timeframe for calling in a prescription was. The chipper and perky person handling my call informed me that it sometimes takes 24-48 hours. I’m not quite sure what happened after I dropped the phone and shrieked, but she was still there when I regained my composure, still perky too.

I inferred nicely that making a person sucking ass lozenges wait for a miracle pill, especially when said ass lozenge sucking person knew where the clinic was, might not be such a good idea. She was equally amused by my request for her to immediately run into the back and smack my doctor to get her moving on my prescription. I really don’t understand why nobody takes me seriously.

Disgusted, I went to lunch. It was while I was sitting at a light sucking an ass lozenge while my latte sat untouched on the way back to the office that I saw at least 7 Baltimore County school buses full of kids leaving the Arundel Mills Mall... all of the happy little tykes were wearing those stupid paper crowns that you get from Medieval Times. WTF? I would send you to their site, but its incredibly annoying and blinks for no reason whatsoever so it gives you a headache... almost as if you had sat through their “show” completely sober. For those of you that don’t know, its one of those places where people dress up in armor, you eat crappy food and watch morons on horses joust and you scream and “participate”. Just like the good old medieval times of leeches and beheadings... and horrible STDs.

So, I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that schools are so hard pressed for qualified history teachers that your tax dollars are now being spent by busing kids to a dinner theater to learn about the Renaissance.

Yeah, that put me in a much better mood right there.

I managed to suffer through the afternoon with only 1 more ass lozenge before I could take it no longer, and bailed to meet hubby at Men’s Wearhouse. Its my job to make sure he doesn’t look like a used car salesman, so practicing the skills I learned during my school years by attending the Spartacus Sing-Along Supper Club, I would give him a thumbs up or down with each suit choice.

My phone rang, and WHOOT it was my doctor! I won’t go into great detail about our conversation, but I do recall her asking why I had stopped taking it the last time, and yes, I admit that in my excitement of the potential prescription I may have shrieked something about puke inducing gas side effect , and no, I didn’t have the urge to kill anyone and in hindsight I probably should have walked out of the store for that whole conversation, but I was too busy dancing with happiness.

So, yes, I do have the pills in my grubby little hand now and will start taking them tomorrow morning. For tonight I’ll be sucking on one last nauseating ass lozenge to get through the night.

So, does anyone want 2 unopened still hermetically sealed containers of cherry ass flavored lozenges?


Sitka, Tia, & Cornelia Marie said...

I am going to go out on a limb and say that I don't want the cherry ass flavored lozenges. Good for you for stopping smoking... even if the extra buck a box is a reason behind it! I wish I could get my mom to see the light as well.

Krystal said...

Sell the lozenges on it under suckin ass. lol

jen (edda's mommy) said...

usually, it *DOES* take 24-48 hours to get a script called in from the doctor -- it's why they post BIG signs in the waiting room telling people of this fact. :)

(former clinic receptionist here.)

Yuri and Sheba's Mom said...

I feel guilty for laughing at your plight. Please forgive me!

Congrats and best wishes for the Chantix!

Tracey and Huffle said...

This makes me happy that I live on the other side of the world now... only those around you are going to have to put up with the gas. I expect Meeshka will have something to say on the subject shortly :)

vicki said...

maybe i'll eat the kashi gas inducing oatmeal and come visit you for a weekend...hahahaha