Monday, March 23, 2009

That's It, I've Had It

You can only push me so far before I crack and this.... this is the last straw!!!!

No, I’m not talking about the AIG bonuses (most of them are giving the money back, by the way... hope all of you “have nots” are happy about that... what next, picketing lotto winners?), or the gatrillion dollar bail out, spendulus, whatever the next bill that will get passed, and not even Barney Frank calling one of the Chief Justices of the Supreme Court a homophobe (that idiot has no respect for the constitution, what makes you think he had any respect for those whose job it is to protect us from his “laws” that not only soil on the constitution, but then wipes its ass with it)

No, I’m talking about the travesty of Cheese Nips!!!!

If ever there was an outrage (other than the “new” facebook craptastic look) the american people need to stand up and demand, nay, form a militia to force the makers of Cheese Nips back to the original recipe.

My first clue of foreboding came with the brightly labeled “New and Improved” on the box.

Here’s a little lesson in how marketing people are either dumber than our congress-people or think we’re dumber than our congress-people: If you already have a product out for a gazillion years, IT CAN’T BE NEW!!!! How can a product that’s been on the shelves since I was a kid be NEW???? If its new then it can’t be Cheese Nips, now can it???

Secondly... new and improved??? How can something NEW be IMPROVED???? How do you improve on new?

Ok, so it actually disses Cheez-its (frankly, the name repulses me, because if you say it fast enough, you get “Chee ZITS” and who freakin wants that??? Plus that’s pretty much what Cheez-its taste like anyway), by saying that Cheese Nips have REAL cheddar cheese in it, but Cheez-its don’t. OOOH snack food smack down!

But once again we get to that whole pesky “new and improved cheddar cheese flavor” claim. Cheddar cheese has also been around since dinosaurs, and everyone pretty much already knows what it tastes like... so how do you “improve” the taste of REAL cheddar cheese? Why by simply making it taste like homeless people feet, that’s how!

Ever since the advent of “some kind of fat whose name eludes me is bad”, everything is now fried in water, or soybeans or something that apparently won’t clog our arteries and thus clog our already overclogged health care system, so for the good of the people... our fearless leaders are saving us from ourselves by making sure we don’t eat a box of artery clog... now we’re cramming down a box of homeless people feet tasting cardboard crap.

The New and Improved Cheese Nips are flat, and dull, and sickly looking. They taste like crap, leave a film on your teeth, and generally are not satisfying at all. So, once again, New and Improved = sucks, you’ll hate it, yet another company that will need a bailout and we’ll be forced to eat them for breakfast.

On that note, I’ve finally noticed that we’re now all about the allergy labeling. Its bad enough that most labels are so tiny you can’t make anything out because we need to put them in 14 languages, include every ingredient down to its base component AND what Weight Watchers swap, transfat, calories from fat, fat from fat... and then below that a list of what it “contains”.

I read the ingredients, which included milk and wheat. Underneath the ingredients it states:
Contains: milk and wheat. WHY? If people are too stupid to read the ingredients, do we think highlighting some random what people MAY be allergic to ingredient down there? What about honey??? I’m allergic to honey and yet that allergy hasn’t been lobbied (bribed) sufficiently enough to be included in the “contains” section. NOOOO I have to read the whole freakin ingredients list to find that out.

Thus ends my rant... except to say that I’m going to buy goldfish from now on... I’m sure admitting that I’m going to eat goldfish puts me on yet another modern militia list.

3 comments:

Tracey and Huffle said...

Lipids. I'm sure that's the bad stuff. Actually I have no idea, I just like the word lipids.

Life With Dogs said...

I'm with you on this one. Old Cheese Nips rule!

jen said...

lipids are fats. :)

as for the "contains milk and wheat", those are two of the more common food allergies. i think people also forget that cheese contains milk.

honey scares me these days, especially as there's counterfeit honey coming into the us from china that has been "doped". it was in the seattle p-i right after christmas and as i work in import brokerage, it was chilling to read about.