Thursday, December 25, 2008

The Most Depressing Day of Television

Its Christmas, so you’d expect that the networks would just be dripping with all of those nostalgic christmas shows, perhaps a Jesus movie or 40, and of course the marathon showings of “Its A Wonderful Night” and “A Christmas Story”.

Ok, those are on there, on the “regular” channels, but the movie channels, good lord, what were they thinking? Nothing but doom and gloom, and sadness. Guess they’re preparing us for the New Year, but still, come on, how about a little movie magic to make us forget the foreclosures, bailouts, and general ick of the world?

Nope, what we get is stuff like “What Dreams May Come”. I first saw this film a few years back, shortly after my father died. Hubby was off on some business trip and I got sucked into the movie like a car in a Bethesda pipe break. I spent the entire movie sobbing and didn’t stop until the end of the week practically.

I usually don’t cry in movies. I don’t count wailing and weeping during the Jar Jar Binks parts of that horrible first (or 4th or whatever it was) Star Wars, I mean movies that totally just make you curl into a little ball and cry like a 6 year old. Friends would tell me “oh, I cried during this movie”, and I’d watch it and feel like a heartless bastard because it didn’t bother me.

From, here is a list of “sad” movies that I’ve seen:

Philadelphia - yeah, sad, but eh.

Saving Private Ryan - Frankly, I was so sick of the whole thing by the end I was hoping they didn’t save him, especially since he made them all stay and got most of them killed in the process.

Beaches - Sad, but when they start playing “Wind Beneath My Wings”, that pretty much killed the sadness for me. I love the song, but good gawd, wasn’t that a bit too much?

Forrest Gump - What’s sad about that?

Titanic - HURL! I mean really! There was plenty of room on that door for Leonardo and with all that extra fat, she could have tread some water and gave him a break.

Castaway - I admit that I did get a little misty when he lost Wilson

Schindler’s List - Ok, I admit it, bawled like a little girl at the end. I knew I was in trouble when my husband (who saw it before I did) said HE cried at the end.

Glory - Sad, but no tears

The Passion of the Christ - um... euw

Ghost - I got a bit misty at the ending scene, but then was horribly grossed out thinking “Wait a minute, that’s Demi Moore kissing Whoopi Goldberg EWWWWW!”

Awakenings - Sad, but uplifting in a strange way, I do love this movie, but no tears.

Simon Birch - Never saw it because I read the book “A Prayer for Owen Meany” and figured they butchered the book. The book did leave me sad.

My Girl - Actually laughed when Macaulay Culkin’s character died (ok, I said I was a heartless bastard)

So there, that pretty much proves that it takes a lot (or at least a believable plot and good story with endearing characters that you grow to care about throughout the film) for me to even begin shedding a tear. Not that “What Dreams May Come” had all of that. I typically despise any Robin Williams flicks (ok, except Awakenings, and this one) but it took me a while to get over waiting for him to do some schtick in this film, and frankly he was a right bastard of a father and all, but I think that’s what made it better. His character expected something different from his kids than what they wanted, and I expected Williams to be a clown, but somewhere in the movie I actually forgot I was watching Robin Williams. I also forgot that I was watching Cuba Gooding Jr. and wasn’t expecting his character to scream “Show me the money”, so that in itself is movie magic.

Yes, I know that the film isn’t true to the book, but it still makes me cry.

So, before I end the “movies that made me cry” post, I just want to throw out this one movie title that I’m sure nobody has seen, I’m certainly not recommending it (because it pretty much scarred me and my hubby for life) and for the love of GAWD don’t watch it if you are even a tad bit depressed or have easy access to weapons, knives, or even a pencil.

That movie: ‘night, Mother.

Hubby (before we got married) and I just happened to watch it one night, didn’t know what it was, started watching and couldn’t leave. It was like being glued to the chair, car wreck, but worse. Its one of those movies where if you felt fantastic, on top of the world, life is good... when its over you want to crawl in a hole and cover the hole and weep. Its not one of those tear jerker films, its more of a WTF??? films as the credits are rolling by. The kind of film that makes you want to kick a kitten, or just walk out into the night and live under a bridge. This movie will literally suck the life blood out of you.

Oh yeah, now you just have to see it, don’t you... I warned you.


Tracey and Huffle said...

You know I have to see it now don't you?

Tragically, Steel Magnolias always makes me cry too. Also any movie where a dog dies.

Turbo's Human said...

When I was an undergrad student, I got assigned 'Night, Mother to do a class presentation on in a playwriting class. Nothing says upbeat like that!

Then you watch it with Spacek and Bancroft. Happy! Happy!