Friday, May 16, 2008

The MOST important news

Hundreds of thousands dying in a Cyclone in Myanmar (Burma).
Earthquake in China killing more hundreds of thousands.
Tornados wreak havoc in the mid-west U.S.
Fires wreak havoc in Florida.

Pfft, who cares about that, what we want to know is what's up with Mischa Barton's BUTT???

A tabloid photographer snapped a pic of Ms. Barton after sunbathing on a balcony (in full public view) and she is now screaming that the evil EVIL photographer photoshopped the pics to add (as one FOX pundit called it) HORRIBLE HORRIBLE CELLULITE on her butt!

This scandal is certainly worthy of "reporters" and "experts" spending about 15 minutes debating how a 22 year old girl could possibly have cellulite. This from a news group that reports daily on the obesity problem in America and shows fat people (from the head down to protect their identity and protect the news group from a lawsuit) sauntering around in all their bulky glory while they rant and scream about how we need to stop the epidemic of obesity. In case you were in a cave all these years, apparently you can catch obesity much like a plague or a cancer. If you don't get that statement, go look up the definition of "epidemic". For the lazy, I even linked it for you.

So, lets take a look at Ms. Barton's butt in the picture. Of course, since the picture is copyrighted, I can't simply put it here or else I'll get sued, so here is my artist's representation of the picture:

As you can clearly see in the picture, Ms. Barton does have dimples on her butt (see the dimple arrows). There is also a towel laying on the chaise lounge that she had just gotten up from (see towel arrow) so conceivably, the dimples COULD have come from laying on a towel and will go away after she gets some blood flow going. This has happened to us all, sitting on something and then retaining that pattern in our skin. It could be that Ms. Barton's butt simply transfered all of the wrinkles and creases of the towel onto her butt.

Of course, she would need enough skin down there to retain the towel prints in the first place, so chances are... she's got some loose butt skin issues going on.

Ms. Barton is screaming that these blatantly fraudulent pictures of her will hurt her career. After all, she does nothing but look pretty for a living and makes a ton of dough just to look pretty. My, what a rough life she has, and for this photographer to show the world that she's got some butt flab going on, well, that just takes away from her "pretty" career. Flab = no money for Mischa.

I think that if Ms. Barton is correct, and she doesn't have flab on the butt, then all it would take is for her to call a press conference (which I'm sure all news media would preempt their reports on the carnage of Myanmar and China to cover) stand on a stage in clear view and drop her drawers. I don't think this would be anything that she hasn't already done in her past or in her career, I mean its not like we're asking her to stand on a stage and explain Quantum Physics or even how to make change from a dollar. She was photographed in public in a tiny bikini and all, so just drop your drawers and show us your butt Ms. Barton. If there's no flab or cellulite there, then sure you were right and this photographer photoshopped your butt. We can all get on with our lives without wondering, there will be no more mystery to this and we can continue to ponder the Loch Ness Monster or other mysteries of equal importance.

Now, if there is flab and dimples, I think we should all sue her for fraud. After all, she markets herself as a thin, perfect little waif and we can't have that if she's got the butt dimples.

1 comment:

Tracey and Huffle said...

Words fail me.