Saturday, December 29, 2007

Jonesing for some latte

I’m addicted, I admit it, the Starbucks empire has me.

I recently quit smoking, I’m using the Chantix pill and despite the horror warnings of people killing loved ones, or throwing themselves off buildings, the only side effect I’ve really had is bloating and horrible gas. Ok, I also have the vivid dreams and last night I was David Letterman’s only audience member because he was coming back from the strike and had no material, so we hung out for a while in some fancy apartment. He also offered me a job because apparently he also owns large government consulting firms. Hey, its much better than the dream where our neighbors stole our fence and I woke up totally pissed at the neighbors.

Having given up smoking (kicking and screaming) I now find that I have to get a new habit. Its common for recovering alcoholics to start smoking. I’m guessing that since alcohol would only increase the need to light up, most former smokers take to chugging vast amounts of coffee. Well, I can’t exactly say “most former smokers” because I haven’t paid some consulting firm a zillion dollars to actually prove that, but I’ll be generous and save the taxpayers some money and go out on a limb and say it. If a former smoker is not a coffee drinker and wants to sue me for misrepresenting them, then have fun with that. Don’t expect the mother lode of settlement pay-offs, as all of my money is going to Starbucks.

My dear husband is not only supplementing his former smoking bad habit by drinking vast amounts of latte with me, but he’s also hopelessly addicted to World of Warcraft (as apparently 9 million other people are to, so I can go out on a limb and say that the majority of people hate their lives and prefer to live in pretend-land). His addiction to WoW is what has me jonesing for latte at the moment. You see, he stays up all night on the weekends to play, then sleeps all day. He just got up around 3 p.m. today. I’ve been sitting here, patiently waiting for him to wake up, sipping unsatisfying coffee, all dressed, shoes on, sitting, tapping a foot, wanting a latte.

Ok fine, I’m an adult, I have a driver’s license and a real vehicle, I should have gone out hours ago and sucked down at least 2 lattes while he slept. I have no idea why that thought didn’t occur to me hours ago. Maybe I’ll go get some new bathroom rugs while I’m out.

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