Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The Story of Steve

On the eve of my getting a powerbook, and taking all of my crappy HP Windows computers and beating them to pieces with a hammer, I thought I would share "The Story of Steve".

Two years ago in September, my brother-in-law was visiting, and as we always do, we all sit around and play computer games. The Unreal Tournament 2004 edition came out, so that was the one we wanted to play, except my crappy HP Windows 98 computer couldn't handle it. I was stuck without a gaming computer, and peeved.

Off to CompUSA we go, and I decide that I want the HP Pavilion a262n (which was on sale). I didn't want the crappy service plan, and I didn't need a monitor, I just wanted the CPU. A woman was looking at the same time I was, and since she was there first, I told the salesguy to help her, but she hadn't decided and told the salesguy to help me first.

"I want the HP Pavilion a262n, no monitor, no service plan", I announce.

"Um, well, you can get this other computer cheaper, and it comes with a service plan."

"No, I want the HP Pavilion a262n, no monitor, no service plan", I repeat.

"Well, this one comes with the service plan"

"but I don't want that one, I want the HP Pavilion a262n, no monitor, no service plan"

"well, you really need a service plan, what if, for instance, you get it home and there's a virus on it?"

"ok, how is a computer that comes straight out of a box have a virus on it, and besides, your service plan wouldn't cover that, I've read your service plan"

"but you really need the service plan, so why don't you get this other computer, because it comes with a service plan"

"I don't want that computer, I want the HP Pavilion a262n, no monitor, no service plan" voice getting higher in pitch and tone.

"but with the service plan..."

"I DON'T WANT A SERVICE PLAN..." (looking at name tag) "STEVE, I WANT THE HP Pavilion a262n, no monitor, no service plan" Yelling.

"but..."

"WHY AM I ARGUING WITH YOU, WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING A CART, GOING IN THE BACK ROOM AND GETTING THE COMPUTER I TOLD YOU TO GET STEVE?"

At this time, my brother-in-law is slinking away, laughing hysterically. Hubby had gone off to go find a switch that I could use for the old HP and the one I bought. I see him prairie dogging 5 aisles away, having heard my wrath, and he chuckles. I also notice that by now, someone is standing behind Steve with a badge that says "Manager".

"But with the service plan..."

"I DON'T WANT THE SERVICE PLAN, GET ME THE STUPID COMPUTER!"

The lady that was looking has now retreated into the Apple area of the store for safety. The manager puts a hand on Steve's shoulder, undoubtedly sensing that if Steve opened his mouth one more time, my foot would be in it, takes him away from me and they disappear into the back.

Steve dutifully comes back with a cart, and the CPU. He doesn't say a word as he wheels it toward the front toward checkout, then runs away. The cashier opens his mouth, and I say "NO, no service plan!". He has enough brains to realize not to ask if I'm sure.

After paying for it, we all go to Macaroni Grill to eat and calm me down, since I'm seething.

We get home after a good meal, and I plug the computer in and start the process. First thing I do is install and run antivirus... and IT HAS A FREAKIN VIRUS!!!!

Hmmm. Interesting how Steve had mentioned viruses. Hubby calls CompUSA (because I'm too busy cursing). I hear him explain that the computer has a virus, and then I hear him say "why yes, the salesman's name was Steve". Apparently we're not the first to call and complain about idiot boy. CompUSA denies any involvement in the virus, HP says the same thing, that they couldn't have possibly shipped a computer with a virus on it.

Whether or not its possible, I still blame evil Steve... who no longer worked at CompUSA the day AFTER we bought the computer... for some reason.

A week later the stupid thing started to blue screen of death every day. It took a year of online tech support (with people who barely spoke english, and wrote it worsely) before they finally decided that they needed to send someone out to replace the defective motherboard, hard drive and other stuff... after which the media cards wouldn't work. I tried to tell them it was their fault, but they actually insisted that the HP Pavilion a262n didn't come with media card slots... sigh... whatever, I give up.

So, effective the moment I receive my powerbook... the HPs are going to be smashed with a hammer, because Windows, and HP are dead to me.

Long live Mac!

Anyone want a cheap viewsonic monitor?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh that had me laughing out loud! I wondered if you bought the computer in Minnesota since I know a CompUSA right near a Macroni Grill in the Twin Cities. I also have an HP a262n and it worked great for 18 months but now has a problem (how I found your article). Thanks for the laugh while I muddled through help sites trying to find out what's wrong with mine.... :)